Trump Accidentally Tweets Something Accurate

Donald Trump’s relationship with the English language is as compromised as most of his other relationships; he says or writes something cogent about as often as he shares a bedroom with his wife.

But Trump’s relationship with observable truth is even worse. Here is where it gets interesting: because Trump almost always sets out to tell a lie, the harried tangle of syllables he regards as speech sometimes does him in with the truth. Just as one in the grips of a seizure might hit a target while intentionally trying to miss it, so too does Trump sometimes hit the truth while clumsily aiming for deception.

In other words, Trump’s dueling vices — his inability to tell the truth and his inability to use his big-boy words to articulate lies — sometimes cancel each other out. Take, for example, his tweet from this morning:

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Putting aside the typos and sloppiness of mind betrayed by this mess, let’s deconstruct it a bit. What Trump meant to say was that our elections and election systems would be “guarded .. [sic]” by an “impenetrable Cyber [sic] Security [sic] unit” that would shield against Russian meddling in our democracy by letting the Russians secure our institutions and data for us. This tale (a tale of breathtaking lunacy to begin with) is, of course, horseshit piled high; Putin told Trump, with a wink and a nod, to make the Russian hacking allegations go away before he had to jam a surreptitiously produced copy of “Moscow Forecast: Golden Showers” through Wikileaks’ media strainer. So the two invented a joint task force and said there — problem solved.

But I digress. Forget about what Trump tried to say; look what he accidentally actually did say: “Putin & I discussed forming an impenetrable Cyber Security unit so that election hacking, & many other negative things, will be guarded..” Well I’ll be damned. I’ll be a dirty little tweety bird. The idiot accidentally typed something accurate!

Trump is right: Putin’s new impenetrable super cyber security unit most assuredly will guard Russian hacking and many negative things; it will guard them well, no doubt — against US intelligence efforts to discover and combat them.

In case this wasn’t already clear enough, you heard it straight from the little stubby fingers of Trump himself: Russian hacking is here to stay, as are many negative things. Behold the byproduct of sloppy lying, America: the accidental truth.